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The Ghost Host: Chapter 1: Away from the Orphanage (Archived)

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The Ghost Host: Chapter 1: Away from the Orphanage

I've been working on this for the past three days re-writing it and stuff. Now it is totally finished and I can start on chapter 2 (if I get good reviews)!! . Submitted by Priya (Award 221), age 16

Charlotte, Travis and Jodie crept along the moonlit street, shivering slightly in the early winter wind. It was around midnight. They did not know exactly where they were going, as they had only just escaped from the Orphanage. All three were living in the same orphanage (St. George’s Orphanage), and although Travis was in a different house the three always spent time with each other whenever they could.

The orphanage was, as most are, a terrifying place for children to live. The main Matrons (Judith and Angie) were even worse than the place itself. Their attitude was vile, their punishments disgraceful and their way towards children was utterly revolting. They treat children like scum - always getting at them with whatever they can!

“Travis, that plan of yours was amazing,” said Jodie, gratefully. “I’m so glad we went to you instead of that girl with the badly cut hair, when we started that wretched place you call an orphanage,”

Travis laughed in agreement.

“Hey!” said Charlotte taken aback. “Sophie’s a nice girl, so what about her hair?”

“Just saying,” answered Jodie, holding her hands up as if she were asked to surrender.

The three walked on for another five or six minutes in silence. A rustle in a nearby bush occurred.

“W-what was that?” Charlotte stopped in her tracks. The rustle came again. All three stopped and stared.

BANG!

THUD!

“TRAVIS!”

Travis was lying face down on the concrete pavement, his left leg in an odd position.

Jodie and Charlotte rushed to his side.

“Travis?” said Charlotte, utterly bewildered. “Travis, can you hear me?”

There was no response.

“Is he dead?” asked Jodie, shocked, her brown eyes widening, her shoulder length, blonde hair more messy and tangled than usual.

Charlotte turned his body over, so his face was now facing upward. Travis looked terrible: his thick, black hair was tousled, parts of his clothes were ripped because there was glass all over the floor, and his face gave him the look he was dead- his rectangular glasses askew, his face dripping with blood in some places from the cuts he’d got. He also looked quite odd, as if the entire warm, bright colour had been drained from his now cold, colourless face.

Charlotte put her ear to his chest- his heart was still beating. She put her hand under his nose- he was still breathing.

“He’s alive,” said Charlotte quietly. “But I think he’s unconscious.”

“We’d better take him to the hospital,” Jodie suddenly blurted.

“We can’t Jo; it’s too far away,”

“I know, but what about his leg? What if he never makes it?”

“He will,” said Charlotte, reassuringly. “He will.”

“How, Charlotte?” Jodie answered back. “Isn’t it worth taking him?”

Charlotte looked at Travis’ stone-cold, dull face. She struggled to speak as Travis’ empty face filled her warm, bright blue eyes with cold, icy tears. Charlotte bent her head so her long, light brown hair covered her tear stained face.

“I… he…but I’m sure…won’t he?” sniffed

Charlotte, as she turned to face Jodie.
Jodie, looking as if she was going to cry too, leaned over and hugged Charlotte. Charlotte and Jodie fell into each other, crying their hearts out. They both felt helpless, alone, and empty as if a huge chunk of them was missing.

Without Travis’ knowledge, kindness and presence, how will the girls carry on?

Comments (1)

user comment Rachael says: Really fantastic Priya! It is a great story, and you know what would make it even better? I am not saying that you have to do this but it was something I learnt from my english teacher. With your story, try to use the technique of showing and not telling. So, where you have lots of speech about Travis being dead, you could use description to describe how he looks, what sounds he make, use all of the five senses to describe it, so the reader can discover his death without being told. You could maybe also give examples and describe what the maids and the orphange were like.
Sent on Tue 13th Dec 11


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